Shooting intellectual blanks

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By John Pawlak

 Wahhhh!  Wahhhh!  Wahhhh!  Quick, someone call the wahhhmbulance!
 Another “misunderstood” NRA member with a 45-caliber mouth and a 14-caliber brain comes shooting out of a barrel of ignorance, whining about my not understanding his side of the firearms debate.
 But before I start slinging stones, let me first say on a very serious note that I am sickened and offended by Mr. Smith’s vile statement that if someone with a gun were to enter my classroom, I would “use the children as shields.”  
If necessary, I would, like any other teacher in Los Alamos, throw myself in front of a volley rather than risk injury to any students.  He knows absolutely nothing about teachers.
 His idiotic statement is exactly what I would expect from a ditto-head who pridefully labels himself as a “pro-gunner pro-lifer.”
 Pro-gun pro-life?  That’s like saying pro-sewage pro-air freshener.
 I must openly admit, however, that I would consider using Mr. Smith’s head as a shield, if not for the fact that an empty shell provides no real defense against a bullet.
 Look, I see nothing wrong with law abiding citizens owning firearms.  
But what intracranial injury prompts someone to stock up on 50-round clips for hunting prairie dogs?
 By the way, you can buy 50-round clips.  They’re usually called drums, a very apropos term given the deafening beat of funeral processions our nation endures from firearm related killings.
 And that drum is getting louder.  There have been over 2,500 firearm deaths in America since the “unfortunate incident” in Newtown.
 Some people “gunning for life” will divert the argument by pointing out the horrifying numbers killed each year by wet bathroom floors and sharks.
 But what can we do?  The National Bathroom Association lobbyists prohibit legislation to mandate safety regulations on floors.  
And the National Sharks Association lobbyists won’t allow background checks on toothy fish.
 If you want to master statistics, there is no better place to go than NRA.com.  You’ll find a warehouse of rhetoric and misinformation by which you can learn how to lie with statistics.
 Consider the claim that the U.S. military depends on NRA consultation for help with special firearms training.  
Search for this “factoid” and you’ll find hundreds of supporting references.  All of them on the NRA website (or spinoffs).  Well shoot!  Who are the odds?
 Actually, the military has had to combat the NRA in order to protect service-members.  The number of military suicides exceeds combat related deaths. Additionally, an average of twenty-two veterans commit suicide each day.  
It’s an epidemic and military commanders believe that talking with service-members identified as risk cases about personal firearms could help stem this terrible tide.  
The NRA fought and lobbied, trying to prohibit these discussions.
 I’m not a psychologist, but I find it interesting that some people take such personal pride in firearms.  Could owning lots of big guns make someone feel like more like a man?
 Perhaps it’s an effort to overcompensate for deficiencies in other areas?
 Uh, just wondering.
 Mr. Smith laments that Newtown “students didn’t have any way to defend themselves.”  
Well, let’s arm our first graders too!  That should put a totally new spin on “fire drills”.
 Perhaps I should apologize.  It isn’t polite for me to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.  
And it’s even ruder to go out of my way to characterize someone as a fool, especially when he’s doing such a great job of it all on his own.
 I would prefer to have a more intellectual discussion, one void of opinionated rhetoric copied from NRA dot shoot first think never.  
But when it comes to thinking, some people are over their head in a puddle.
 Mr. Smith, despite your obvious expertise on constitutional law, the second amendment is in fact “negotiable.”  
Our constitution is a living document (well, not if the NRA gets its way) and it is our patriotic duty to evolve interpretations to evolve with the needs of society.
 Think about it?  Well, try anyway.
 I’ll close with a great quote by Stephen King.  “Speaking personally, you can have my gun, but you’ll take my book when you pry my cold, dead fingers off the binding.”