Raising Fearizona

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Arizona’s immigration bill is all about votes

By John Pawlak

Greek playwright Aeschylus is recognized as the father of tragedy.  He once noted: “He who learns must suffer.  And even in our sleep pain, which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”  

Oh yeah, clearly this guy wasn’t big on comedy.  He did however recognize that true understanding is often super-glued to a swift kick in the head.  Who wants wisdom if you have to listen to that darn dripping noise of common reason all night long?

This underscores the genius of voter manipulation by name design.  

Do you want to pass a bill in Congress? Then name it the “Love America and Protect Our Children From Radioactive Mutant Tree Sloths” bill. Anyone who votes against it must not love America.  

Either that or they must want to throw your children into the leaf-eating jaws of death! What’s the bill about? Oh, it’s to approve $120 billion in adjunct spending on refitting helicopter landing gear.  Now back to the bill.  You don’t want arboreals feeding on the brains of our children, do you?

We don’t kill dogs. We put them to sleep.  People don’t die. They’re dearly departed.  Soldiers don’t get their legs blown off. They become walking challenged.  We’re a nation addicted to euphemisms. Common English is uncommon and when we say that we mean what we say, what we mean to say is what we say means very little.  (try saying that really fast three times)

And so Arizona Senate Bill 1070, euphemistically called the “Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act,” was signed into law on April 23, 2010 (effective on July 29).  Its stated purpose is a “policy of attrition,” defined by Arizona poets to “discourage and deter the unlawful entry and presence of aliens.” This law empowers police to demand identification from anyone whom they suspect might be an illegal alien.  (Run ET!  Run home!)

Identification can be demanded if “reasonable suspicion” exists.  

On the streets of Arizona, this translates to “Ihre papiere, Auslander!  Raus!”   Having exorcised these demonic portals, Fearizonians can then reclaim jobs that had been stolen away by those bloodsucking trolls. Yes, they can now gain meaningful employment in the slaughterhouses, picking lettuce, the sweatshops, cleaning bathrooms, washing dishes.

Lest you think otherwise, I don’t want illegal aliens in our country. Illegal immigration is a real problem and needs a real solution.  Surprisingly enough, for several years now Arizona had already addressed this problem with an amazingly sensible solution.  Arizona law mandates that all employers verify the US citizenship of anyone they hire. Arizona law also mandates that employers use E-Verify, a government provided database that ascertains citizenship of a prospective worker.

How simple can you get?  For years, Arizona law has said: “They’re illegal?  Don’t hire them!”  Unfortunately, this doesn’t get votes and less than 10 percent of Arizona employers obey the law.  Arizona employers continue to hire illegal aliens with impunity. Why then the sudden popularity of Senate Bill 1070?  National security?  A burning desire to protect our borders?

Don’t kid yourself.  It’s all about votes.  Nothing more.  Fear sells and people buy it like ice cream on a hot summer day.  In response to federal immigration laws, Arizona Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said: “You can have all the laws on the book, but you have to enforce the laws on the books!”  Well Joe, why don’t you enforce Arizona’s law prohibiting the hiring of illegals?  Huh Joe?  Joe?

Yeah, they’ll arrest a dozen illegals here and a dozen there, make a big show of it, and meanwhile they’ll do nothing about all those slaughterhouses and farms and construction crews and landscapers in Arizona hiring illegals.  If they were serious about solving this problem, they’d go after the people doing the hiring.  Don’t hold your breath waiting for that however.  When they want to buy votes, they sell fear, not real solutions.

But this strategy worked well in the past and so why not use it again, right? Heil Arizona!