Ask Alex: Ladies’ facial expressions in the hall: What do they mean?

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By Alexander Castillo

I should begin by making a few things clear. First, no one can fathom the female mind.
Second, the confusing ways of the woman do not stop in the hallway.
Third, everything a woman says or does not say, can and will be misinterpreted. Are you sure you would still like to continue this long venture down an endless trail of nail polish, perfume and all things glitter? Of course you would.
That want is inescapable. Pubescence in all its complications made sure of that.
To begin your attempt at understanding girls, you must understand that everything you think you know is wrong.
Even if it makes sense to everyone and can be proven by complex mathematics, you are incorrect. The pretty girl across the hallway smiled at you. Oh joy of joys.
What does it mean, though? Come up with your best guess. Put all her facial cues into mind and determine what is running through her mind to make her smile. Is it you? Is it her friend? Is it the sheer number of shoes she has stacked on the floor of her closet?
Once you have what you are absolutely sure she is thinking about, rule it out immediately because you were undoubtedly way off. For all you know, she was never smiling at you and it was just a dream.
Again, you are always wrong. The best way to get some sort of idea about her intentions would be to just talk to her.
However this is just another complication in itself and she will never tell you exactly what she is thinking anyway.
Have no fear. The best plan is to have no plan. Why are you thinking about what she is thinking in the first place?
I already said whatever you decide is wrong. In the time you spent pondering the deep meaning of the corners of her mouth raising slightly, she has left already and you are late for class.
Don’t think anything. You are a teenage boy, this should come naturally. Smile back instead of just staring. That’s my advice for the “smile” situation.
For any other expression a girl might make while on her way to class, I would recommend pretending not to have seen anything and just keep on walking, because if it’s not a smile you are probably in trouble somehow.
In the end, the mystery of why girls make faces in the hallway is impossible to decipher. The meaning of girls’ anything is impossible to decipher.
For example, how about  fake nails? I don’t understand why you would glue anything to yourself that wouldn’t allow you to open up a can of soda.
Anyhow, I do hope your attempts to understand the womenfolk fare well.
The endeavor will require a great amount of female interaction. Good luck.