This is an open letter to all the dogs out there, who have the unmitigated audacity to think it’s OK to be a dog. Being a human, I can tell you quite authoritatively that it is most definitely not OK to be a dog!
Or a cat. Or a yak. Or a dung beetle. Or anything organic that doesn’t pay taxes!
First of all, dogs bark. We humans never bark (at least not without good cause). We yell. We scream. We screech, bellow, shout, wail, howl, whine, shriek and clamor. Oh yeah, and we love reading our thesaurus.
But we don’t bark.