Thinking Makes It So: Do juggalos get manicures, too?

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By Kelly LeVan

The chair chewed on both sides of my spine, starting from my neck and munching its way down to my tailbone, biting beneath my ribs and chomping the undersides of my shoulder blades. Do beans enjoy mastication this much? Does bread have an aching back? Beef jerky, I understand you better now: I, too, have been gnawed and mashed repeatedly until finally my muscles were fit for digestion.All the while, my feet rested in a small tub of bubbling water. Eventually, an incredibly wonderful woman asked me to remove one foot from the whirlpool and lay it on a towel. She then proceeded with the pedicure and now I have red toes for China.They shimmer like Christmas tree ornaments. They look cute as itsy bitsy Communists.The pedicurist let me stay in that chair for a very long time, during which I thought about many things, although frankly, I grew more and more stupid as the gnawing continued.I wondered about the T-shirt of a man looking at nail polish with a woman who later sat in a chair near me, with her own red toes. The man’s T-shirt read “Mutha F---in’ Juggalo Content B----.” I reread it several times, alternating between the noun and adjective forms of “content” in my interpretation. I had no idea what a juggalo was, so I couldn’t decide.I also considered the difference between getting massaged and getting punched.

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