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There'll never be another ewe

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By John Pawlak

Dear Editor,

I was reading an article about strange laws, some of them truly bizarre, such as the one in Montana that prohibits having an unchaperoned sheep in the cab of your truck. Oddly enough, they don’t have any laws against unchaperoned goats. In Eureka Nev., it’s illegal for a man with a moustache to kiss a woman.  It is however (I assume) perfectly legal for a woman with a moustache to kiss a man.

Senseless laws such as these exist in every state, remnants from distant administrations that obviously had one too many drinks at a weekend office party. For instance, you can’t shoot rabbits from a motorboat in Kansas. You can’t put graffiti on someone else’s cow in Texas. You can’t sleep in an outhouse in Washington without the owner’s permission. In Cleveland, Ohio, it’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It does make you wonder though - “Am I breaking some ancient law if I walk my dog on a cloudy Tuesday?  Can I wear a green hat in a supermarket?”

In Chicago, it’s illegal to fish in pajamas. In Vermont, it’s illegal to whistle underwater.  Hmmm ... are the police trained to read you your rights underwater? And in Seattle, it’s illegal to carry a concealed weapon longer than six feet.  But seriously - if a person is capable of concealing a six-foot weapon, are you going to argue the issue with him?

In Ventura County, Calif., cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. Of course, that being California, who is really surprised?

Other countries are no better.  In Brazil, it’s illegal to commit suicide. In Thailand, it’s illegal to leave your house without wearing underwear.  (Here in the States, a Louisiana man did in fact get arrested for mowing the lawn in a skirt with no underwear.)  In England, it’s illegal to hang a bed out of a window (hanging people is another thing, however).  In Tasmania, a man cannot dress in women’s attire in public after 5 p.m.

And in Samoa, it’s a crime to forget your wife’s birthday. Well, THAT one happens to be the law in my house, too!

Los Alamos