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Now is the season of our incontinence

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By John Pawlak

Ring around the collar! Ring around the collar! Remember how that used to be the pinnacle of social embarrassment, a reason to hide in the shadows, the determining factor to your future and your happiness? Or what about the heartbreak of eczema, seborrhea, psoriasis? Scratch your head in public and everyone would know that you have dry itchy scalp. Dandruff flakes on your suit? Well, you can kiss that promotion goodbye!

In years long past, those were the problems that haunted our society. Commercials selling personal care products would be carefully worded so as not to offend. You certainly wouldn’t see a diaper rash commercial during the Ed Sullivan Show or during Saturday morning cartoons.

But today, it’s an all-out war against our senses and sensibilities. Take a break from watching your favorite sitcom to enjoy a one minute treatise on the medical advancements for erectile dysfunction. Ah yes, a truly wholesome subject for prime time television, a cute little tune playing in the background as they expound the wonders of natural male enhancement “for the gift that keeps on giving.” I try to imagine parents explaining to their kids exactly why all those women are so excited to see Santa. (Gee mommy, I thought Santa laughed, not giggled!)


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