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Trying to figure out the economy is just something you don’t want to attempt unless you are a trained journalist like this humble correspondent. World finances can be baffling to even the brightest minds.There are a lot of television experts who are employed to analyze the economy. They say the following:Things could get better. Or they could get worse. We are not sure. One thing these analysts know is that their own personal economy is in pretty good shape because they get paid a lot of money not to have a handle on what is going on. That’s my kind of job.I spend a lot of time watching these financial talking heads because I need to understand what is going to happen to my 401P. Or maybe it’s K. I didn’t major in finance; I majored in miracles (that’s a good one, Huck), which is apparently what we need. I mostly watch CNBC because Erin Burnett is a stock market whiz. She is also pretty.The best I can figure out, stock prices go down when gas pump prices go up, but that is okay because the guys who own the oil companies make tons of money and get hefty tax breaks so they can buy more luxury cars, vacation condos and fancy boats. This is very good for people selling BMWs, building resort housing and dealing in yachts.Meanwhile, the guy serving your sandwich at Le Burgre Shoppe is getting screwed.One nice thing emerging from these economic doldrums is someone is going to send each of us 600 bucks, maybe more, maybe less. The political establishment has been mulling this over in Washington and is set to send the checks as soon as they decide who gets the credit for this largesse.There is intricate theory supporting the thesis that these tax rebates are going to jumpstart the economy, but it is much too complex to explain in this limited space. Also, I haven’t a clue as to how it works.Here’s the thing, though. If the government wants to mail me a check for $600, I am not going to argue. True patriots will not bank this money. The idea is to spend it. Mine is going as a down payment on a 60-inch HDTV plasma set, plunging me even further into debt. It’s the American way. Not to worry. Someone will bail me out.Because I am a student of economic trends, I have keen insight into New Mexico’s economy, which is not doing well. While my journalistic colleagues waste their time on employment reports and inflation data, I go right to the source. Wal-Mart.What I have noticed at Wal-Mart is that customers who normally cart 63 items to the 20-item cash register are now cheating by just 34 items. We have fallen on hard times.I love New Mexico. I love her people. I want to help. Here is an economic plan I think will put our state back on the road to prosperity. Each time you break a dollar bill, save the change. At the end of each month, gather the accumulated money and send it to me in care of this newspaper. If each reader will do that, I think I can turn this thing around. And you can come over to my house to watch widescreen.
Ned Cantwell – firstname.lastname@example.org – scoffed when someone told him to invest in a company that was going to sell drinking water in plastic bottles.