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My mouth went off

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By John Pawlak

I was sitting in the lobby of the “Innocent Little Angels Child Care Center,” waiting for my friend as he was picking up his toddler.
Suddenly, I started cursing, spitting out a stream of obscenities that would make a sailor blush.  I did feel a bit guilty about all those crying children.
 This incident reminded me of the week before when I was visiting the “Golden Years Nursing Home.”
There too, without warning, I suddenly blurted out a few hundred choice verbs, adjectives, and colorful metaphors.  I’m not sure why so many old people were clutching their chests.  Maybe something they ate?
Of course, no charges were ever filed.  You see, it wasn’t my fault.  It was my mouth.  It just, well, it just went off.
Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could make excuses like that?  “I’m sorry officer, but I’m not responsible for running that stop sign.  It was my car.  It just went off.”   “Gee buddy, I’m sorry about punching out your grandmother.  She cut in front of me in line and my fists just went off.”
 The real world isn’t all far off from that level of insanity.


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