Life, death, tattoos and the apartment

-A A +A
By Kelly Dolejsi

When I’m old, I’m going to have sagging, misshapen, ugly tattoos.

People love to remind me of this.  A miserable buffalo, a rotten pear, a little king whose beautiful ermine coat needs ironing.

Typically, it’s someone who doesn’t know me well and with whom I’ve never shared any philosophy about aging, death or even body art, who tells me this.

Although I was only 18 years old when I got my first tattoo, I realized that eventually I would get old.

I have long hoped that I would not die before my first wrinkle appeared. I’m in no rush, but I want to get old. In fact, I even know what it will be like.

Since fourth grade or so, I’ve been able to picture it exactly.

In my vision, I’m in a long, one-room apartment, tightly situated between bookshelves that run the length the walls on either side of me.

I’m writing at a large wooden desk, writing in the near-darkness with a good-sized, open, unscreened window behind me. I’m on an upper floor and I hear the sounds of a city far below me, a city I don’t take part in anymore, one that makes me feel both angry and less alone. I assume it’s New York.

If you subscribe to the newspaper, you receive FREE access to all the exclusive content of the web site! Simply register to receive uninterrupted access to our award-winning and in-depth local online content!

Renew Current or Past Subscription / Register for Online Subscription

If you currently subscribe or have subscribed in the past to the Los Alamos Monitor, then simply find your account number on your mailing label and enter it below.

Click the question mark below to see where your account ID appears on your mailing label.

Newspaper Acct. ID:
Street Address:
(exactly as it appears on the label)

If you are a subscriber and you do not know your account ID or don't have a copy of your newspaper available that shows the information on the address label you can click continue below to search for your account.

New Subscription/30 Day Free Trial Account

If you are new to the award winning Los Alamos Monitor and wish to get a subscription or simply gain access to our online content then please enter your ZIP code below and continue to setup your account.

ZIP Code:

Create a limited access account.
Register to participate in community forums, post on the community calendar, blog etc. This registration does not give you full access to read our award winning content, etc.

The Los Alamos Monitor | lacirculation@lamonitor.com | 505-662-4185
256 DP Road, Los Alamos, NM 87544
Office Hours are 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., Monday through Friday