I'm ready to have some fun

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By John Pawlak

We all like to have fun. It’s fun having fun.
A diversionary ditty of delightful delectation. Some euphoric exhilarating enjoyment. A mild modicum of mirth.
But why bother with the complexities of multisyllabic babble?
Fun, fun, fun! Let’s have some simple fun!
But what to do? I’m not really into sports, so throwing pigskins at people or horseshoes at stakes doesn’t do it for me. (But the idea of throwing horseshoes at people does have its merits.)
I could go to the movies and watch some zombies terrorize people. But why pay for that when I can just turn on CNN and watch Congress terrorize the nation for free?
And I don’t get any kicks out of gambling away my paycheck at the casinos. Besides, a teacher’s paycheck would barely get me past the lunch buffet.
So what to do?
And then it hit me. Why not drive down Central Avenue and do a K-turn in front of Starbucks?
OK, I admit it. In the past, I’ve criticized people for doing things like that. I’ve even gone as far as calling them stupid. Moronic. Imbecilic. Idiotic. Brainless twits. Dead from the neck up.
You know. Less than intelligent? But this is Los Alamos and we’re intelligent people! We’re not stupid, so there must be another reason people make K-turns on Central.
I have a new theory why people do these things. It must be fun! You know, like eating a burrito and talking on a cell phone while driving through town? It’s especially fun when you almost hit a pedestrian at those pesky crosswalks.
Now that I’ve come to the realization that these seemingly brain-dead people are in fact just a bunch of fun-loving characters, I’m ready to join in the fun!
Let’s see, what to do first? Maybe I should tailgate someone up the hill when driving to work? Yeah, there’s 10 cars in front of him, but if I get really, really close to his bumper, I’m sure he’ll find it as hilarious as I do!
And of course, “One Way” means “My Way,” right? And “Do Not Enter” signs are meant for people without a sense of humor. So when I drive into a parking lot against the “humorless instructions” of those silly signs, I’m making a statement to the world.
I’m saying, “I’m a fun loving guy! Isn’t this a riot?”
Now, some people might think I’m saying, “I have the intelligence of a banana slug.” But those people just don’t know how to have fun.
Like the guy I saw the other day, who abruptly stopped in the middle of the road to chat with a friend he saw walking by. The driver of the car that almost hit him found it as funny as I did!
And what’s with people avoiding the yellow line down the middle of the road? Don’t they realize that swerving across the line and playing chicken with oncoming drivers is a barrel of laughs?
But you don’t have to be in a car to have fun. It’s particularly delightful to yell at store clerks about the high price of products, mostly because we know in our hearts that it’s all their fault. And besides, it’s fun to yell like a wounded banshee in public. Other customers will revel in the jocularity of it all.
If yelling isn’t your style, try pushing a shopping cart down the supermarket aisle, then stop right next to the cart of someone else and start up a 10 minute conversation. Blocking the aisle is loads of fun!
Fun, fun, fun!
How about smoking right outside a restaurant or cafe? I don’t even smoke, but I can certainly see how one can get their jollies out of sharing cancer causing sooty particulates with the lungs of nearby young children. It’s a great habit (and fun too!). You know, like spitting on the sidewalk in front of people just to see their reaction?
Well, all this talk about having fun gave me lots of great ideas. I think I’ll go out tonight and drive around without my headlights on.
That should be a blast.