But I digress...Warning: Don't snort dog kibble!

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By John Pawlak

We got new cell phones the other day.

The first thing we did was read the user’s manual, which started right out with three pages of warnings. “Never use an unapproved battery.” Okay, that’s reasonable. “Do not disassemble the phone.” Well, I hadn’t planned on doing that, so it looks like we’re doing fine so far. “Never place your phone in a microwave oven.” Well, I sure am glad they warned me about that. But the manual didn’t say anything about putting the phone in a washing machine. Maybe I should have used the delicate cycle?

Ever notice the warning label on the folding sun shield for your car?  “Do not drive with sun shield in place.” Batteries in microwave ovens? Driving with the windshield covered? Try to imagine the people for whom these warnings are necessary. And then consider the fact that they vote. Scary, eh?

A bottle of dog shampoo comes with the warning, “The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” The label on a hair dryer warns, “Do not use while sleeping.” The toner for a printer warns, “Do not eat toner.” What a shame, eh? It goes so well with Cajun shrimp.

Seriously, does the American public need to be told not to use silly putty as ear plugs?

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