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Guns don’t kill people, guns kill lawnmowers

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By John Pawlak

A couple years ago, a Milwaukee man was charged with discharging a shotgun in a rural area. His lawnmower wouldn’t start and in a fit of anger, he shot it. Yes, he brutally murdered his lawnmower. As the man approached with intent to kill, the lawnmower’s fate was sealed. Left-wing liberal mentality had legislated an unreasonable waiting period for gun ownership and hence the defenseless lawnmower could not fight back.

Could this tragedy have been avoided if lawnmowers had been given the right to carry concealed weapons? Where do we draw the line between an individual’s right to slaughter lawnmowers and justified self defense? I never did understand the delicate nuances of turf law.

It is a documented fact that guns do not kill people. Usually, it’s something like a 165 grain hunk of lead propelled through your body at 980 feet per second. The gun is simply an innocent bystander.

There are several hundred federal regulations on firearms and thousands of weapons-related statutes on the books. You’d think that should be enough to dissuade casual use of gunpowder, but more than 30,000 people are killed each year by firearms in the United States. Gun laws just don’t seem to work. We don’t need more gun laws. What we need is fewer stupid people.

Over the past few years gun laws have weakened considerably. When President Obama addressed the VFW in Phoenix, a man protested outside the convention center with a pistol on his hip and a semi-automatic AR-15 rifle slung over his shoulder. In Arizona, the man didn’t even need a permit for these and he was breaking no laws by promenading outside a presidential speech with weapons.

Is there no limit to stupidity? Well, apparently not. Last year, Congress allowed people to carry concealed weapons in national parks and wildlife refuges. Yes, you never know when you need a 40-caliber hollowpoint to fend off Yogi and Boo Boo in exercising your constitutional right to defend picnic baskets.

Here are a few bullet points on the spreading insanity of gun ownership.

Tennessee allows handgun owners to carry weapons onto sports fields and playgrounds. Several states prevent businesses from barring employees from storing guns in their cars on company property. Arizona even allows convicted felons to obtain gun permits (and yeah, guns too).

Just how bad is the good news? New Jersey, known for being tough on guns, was criticized for being “overly restrictive” for passing legislation to limit purchases of handguns to one per month.  I’m sure our founding fathers would shrink at the idea that one could only accumulate 120 handguns in a decade.

You might think that I don’t like guns. The fact is, I love guns. There’s nothing quite like the feeling you get when emptying a 15-round clip, or hearing that sharp crack of a high- powered rifle. You can almost feel the Old West when you pump a lever action Winchester. And of course, everyone gets a real kick out of shooting a 12-gauge.

I fully support the Second Amendment. Gun ownership is an American right and there are real dangers in taking that right away.

I also support gun laws, such as waiting periods for checking to see if a person has a criminal record. Guns should be licensed and registered with serial numbers recorded by the police. Parents who casually leave loaded weapons around the house where children can get to them should have them taken away.  I’m talking about both their guns and their children.

The news media was once again on front line assaults on gun ownership after the murders of four police officers in Lakewood, Wash. and then again after the shooting at Fort Hood Army base. Every time some nutcase uses a gun, it’s the gun’s fault. People blame the gun laws.

People blame the manufacturer of the gun.

Hey, I’ve got a novel idea! How about blaming the cretin who pulled the trigger?

Yeah, guns are dangerous. Well, so are cars. You have the right to drive a car, but you don’t have the right to drive it on the sidewalk (well, maybe in Brooklyn). There has to be a balance between allowing people to own dangerous things and allowing people to use them in idiotic ways.

The problem is, no matter what limits we place on ownership, it’s difficult to limit stupidity. You might think that shooting a lawnmower would be a sensible thing if you were attacked by one.

Fortunately, if you are attacked by a lawnmower in a National Park, you can always pull out your Para Ordnance P-Series 44 automatic and say, “So grass eater, do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?”