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The members of the Thoughtful, Encouraging, Rational, Reliable, Optimistic and Realistic Individuals Supporting Tranquility in Society (T.E.R.R.O.R.I.S.T.S) withdrew Osama bin Laden’s title of World Hide-and-Go-Seek Champion May 1.
The title was originally presented to bin Laden in 2004, after many years of hiding from the powerful United States government.
Bill Omb, the chairman of the hide-and-go-seek committee, joked, “Of course Osama wasn’t there to accept his award. He was so good at the game that he would not risk revealing his ultimate hiding spot.”
When asked what he thought of bin Laden’s capture, Omb looked down sadly and sighed.
“I was so disappointed. Not only was he found, but he cheated!”
There was a collective gasp of betrayal throughout the room. The T.E.R.R.O.R.I.S.T.S indignantly yelled, “But cheating is wrong!”
Omb nodded in assent, then explained, “Osana hid in a three-thousand-square-foot structure with thick walls, ranging from seven to 18 feet high, crowned with barbwire, like a cherry on top of a sundae. According to Hike-and-Go-Seek Ordinance 0501.2011 Sub point C, hiders are not allowed to have 18-foot walls topped with barbwire. Also, cowering behind opaque windows in an impenetrable fortress,” he added with disgust, “is just pathetic.”
The crowd cheered passionately. Drawing from this support, Omb concluded, “Even apart from the obvious cheating, the man — if you can call him that — was an evil monster! I mean, really, who terrorizes anymore? It’s morally deficient and, well, just plain mean. Peace is the new terror!”
After the interview, the committee presented the esteemed title of World-Hide-and-Go-Seek Champion to Waldo, of “Where’s Waldo,” who, according to Omb, is its “rightful — and might I add, not evil — owner.”
Ali Berl is a freshman at LAHS.