Beware happy dogs

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By John Pawlak

 In Tennessee, an imbecile of galactic proportions surrendered his male dog to a shelter because the dog was humping another male dog.  This candidate for dumbest person of the century said “My dog is gay!  I refuse to own a gay dog!”
 Seriously, how much stupid can some people fit into one head?
 Bad enough to be a flaming bigot, but to also be freakishly stupid is a sad thing indeed.
 Fortunately, not everyone in Tennessee has a single digit IQ. The dog was adopted by a loving owner and given a new name, Elton.
 And so Elton was spared euthanasia.  Sadly, so was his previous owner.
 Commenting on Elton’s rescue, William Donohue, President of America’s Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, protested bitterly that saving Elton’s life was evidence of pro-gay bias.  Isn’t it sweet that he would take the time to complain that someone saved the life of a dog?
 Not to be outdone for the gold medal in Tennessee’s “Duh, hey there, I’m a moron” Olympics, Senator Stacey Campfield reintroduced a bill prohibiting teachers from discussing homosexuality in sex education classes prior to high school in Tennessee.  (One has to wonder what the words ‘Tennessee’ and ‘education’ are doing in the same sentence.)
 The bill would also force teachers to “out” any student exhibiting or admitting homosexual behavior by informing their parents.
 I wonder if there’s a law forcing anyone to “out” Senator Campfield as a pinhead ignoramus?  Ah no need.  I think everyone already knows that.
 Besides, the Tennessee Senate is already known for its Jurassic thinking. Two years ago, they passed legislation “prohibiting legal protection from workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity.”  This made it both easy and legal to deny civil rights to gays and to prohibit same-sex marriage.
 It’s nice to know that advanced civilizations like Tennessee are so actively discussing complex legal issues regarding love and marriage.  Of course, it still leaves unanswered the legal question “If you divorce your wife in Tennessee, is she still your sister?”
 In Gresham, Ore., Aaron Klein, a baker, refused to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple.  He patted a bible and said, “I don’t dislike gays.  It’s just that a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife.”
 Really?  Gee, I know lots of women who hate the clinging type.
 Now, I forget which commandment prohibits writing two female names on a cake.  Thou shall not commit a bakery?
 The story went viral and Aaron has been “outed” as the idiot he is.
 Maybe I’m sounding too harsh.  I don’t really want to insult all these people for their beliefs.
 OK, you’ve got me!  Of course I want to insult them.  With all the problems in this world, citing biblical passages to prohibit decorating a cake seems a little extreme.  Someone needs to explain to me, where all this stupidity and hatred comes from?
 Why do people care whom someone loves?  Why is it so important to control the lives of others, even to the point of debating what one writes on a wedding cake?  I’d wager that Aaron’s great great great grandfather, a baker back in the mid 1800s, refused to use white and black icing on the same cake.
 Which brings me (finally) to the real point I wanted to discuss. The Boy Scouts of America has been reconsidering its ban on gay membership. It’s a discussion that, whatever the result, will most certainly change the path of scouting in years to come.
 The Boy Scouts professes a credo of morality, and it is this philosophy that has excluded people based on sexual preference.  But let’s be honest.  If they excluded every young boy who has gotten drunk, or has taken drugs, or who curses, or has engaged in sexual promiscuity, how many scouts do you think would be left to light camp fires?
 Texas Governor Rick Perry, one of the truly deep thinkers of the 14th century, says that the scouts should not admit gays into its organization.
 Seriously, can you think of a better argument to remove the ban?