.....Advertisement.....
.....Advertisement.....

Off and On: Some humor to start the year off right

-A A +A
By The Staff

Always like to start the new year with a smile. Hope these items from newspapers around the nation – not ours thankfully – will do the trick.

• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

• Stud Tires Out

• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

• Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

• British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

• Eye Drops off Shelf

• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

• Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

• Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

• Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

• Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

• Miners Refuse to Work After Death

• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

• Stolen Painting Found by Tree

• Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

• Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

• Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

• Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

• Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 in ’84

• War Dims Hope for Peace

• If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

• Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

• Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

• British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

• Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

• Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

• New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

• Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

• Air Head Fired

• Steals Clock, Faces Time

• Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

• Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

• Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

• Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

• Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

• Include your Children when Baking Cookies

• Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls

• Stiff Opposition Expected To Casketless Funeral Plan

• Yellow Snow Studied To Test Nutrition

• Scientists Note Progress In Herpes Battle; Ear Plugs Recommended

• Antique Stripper To Demonstrate Wares At Store

• Sadness Is No. 1 Reason Men And Women Cry

• Mayor Says D.C. Is Safe Except For Murders

• Check With Doctors Before Getting Sick

• Neighbors Said Sniper Not Very Neighborly"