Off and On: Some humor to start the year off right

Always like to start the new year with a smile. Hope these items from newspapers around the nation – not ours thankfully – will do the trick.

• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

• Stud Tires Out

• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

• Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

• British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

• Eye Drops off Shelf

• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

• Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

• Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

• Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

• Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

• Miners Refuse to Work After Death

• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

• Stolen Painting Found by Tree

• Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

• Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

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